


Too Much Is Never Enough

by KayDiggsWriting



Series: What Happens In France... [9]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Feels, Co-Parenting, Dialogue Heavy, F/M, Flashbacks, Hamgelica, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Mild Smut, OBC - Freeform, Past Relationship(s), Self-Denial, So much angst, Tags Are Hard, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-05-30 18:46:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15102740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayDiggsWriting/pseuds/KayDiggsWriting
Summary: A lunch conversation with Peggy changes Angelica's perspective of her 'relationship' with Alexander.Making her realize, despite what she promises her sister, that she still wants him.Never stopped.A dangerous concept considering their ... delicate situation.So she reacts by doing the one thing she's been doing her entire life.Choosing her sisters' happiness over her own.





	Too Much Is Never Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Hello! Hello! This part of the story will not have the same cute Hamgelica vibe as the previous one. But all is not loss. There is plenty more to come. I'm just a whore for the occasional bit of angst. 
> 
> As always I apologize for spelling and grammar errors. I suck at proof reading.

Angelica had no idea why she agreed to have lunch with her youngest sister. Maybe she thought they'd actually be able to have a pleasant time. Or maybe she was secretly a sadomasochist who enjoyed the torture of spending an hour with Margaret. 

The wavy haired trust fund baby was currently sitting across from Angelica at their patio table. Sipping the sunrise mimosa she'd sent back with their waitress no less than three times. Declaring that it just wasn't being mixed correctly. Which was bad enough without her informing the poor woman that she wasn't sure what was wrong with it but she'd certainly tell her when they finally made it correctly. The flustered server was damn near sweating when she sat the drink on the table for the forth time. Instead of thanking the woman and apologizing for being completely obnoxious, Peggy sipped  and nodded. That was it. No other indication that she was satisfied with it. 

Angelica, who'd been patiently sipping her Lemonade throughout the entire ordeal, offered the nice lady her sincerest apologies and a sympathetic smile. Which of course didn't go over well with her baby sister.

"You don't have to apologize for making them do their job correctly." She sat the prized drink on the table. Knowing Peggy, it wouldn't be lifted up again during the meal.

"No." She agreed. "But you  _should_ apologize for being an asshole about it."

Surprisingly she let the slur slip without verbal retaliation. "How was your date with Aaron Burr last week?"

"It was fine." Angelica took another taste from her cup. 

"Did you have a good time?"

"Yes."

"Did he call you after?"

"Yes."

"Are you being purposely evasive to piss me off?"

"Yes."

"Grow up, Angie." 

Funny, she'd said those same words to Alexander. Perhaps they _both_ had a little more maturing to do.

"The date was fine. We went to that new sushi place downtown. Aaron was a perfect gentleman. He even walked me to the door at the end of the night."

"And?" She nodded encouragingly.

"And what?"

"Did you fuck him?"

"Margaret!" Angelica chocked on the beverage. "You can't just ask something like that."

"Well I did."

"Well, I'm not answering."

"Why not?" She insisted. "Was it terrible?"

"No."

Peggy grinned. "So it was good then?"

"W-What? No!" Angelica sputtered, disgruntled. 

Her sister rolled her eyes. Slumping in defeat. "You have to give me something, Angie."

"Fine." She dabbed at nonexistent moisture around her mouth. "We didn't have sex."

That wasn't the  _something_ Peggy was expecting if her outraged expression was anything to go on. "What? Why not?"

"Philip was home."

"Yeah, probably in his room sleeping."

Angelica fixed her sister with a hard stare. "I  _am not_ having sex with some stranger while my son is a few feet down the hall. He could have walked in and-"

"Fine! Then why didn't you go to his place?"

"He didn't offer." She shrugged. "I told you, Aaron was the perfect gentleman."

"Did he at least kiss you?"

"He didn't have the chance."

"What do you mean he didn't have the chance? Did you run in the house or something?"

"No." The memory made her frown. "Alexander heard me outside the door and thought I needed help getting in." Peggy didn't need to know the full truth. It was none of her business.

"Alex was there?"

"Yes. Why hire a baby sitter when the father will happily do the job for free?"

That didn't appease her. "What about Thomas?"

"He had a booty call with James that night."

"What about-"

"Margaret!" She cut her off before she could become annoyed. "I don't have to explain why I didn't get anyone else to babysit Philip. He was with his father and that's that."

Her arms crossed over her chest. Angelica couldn't help but notice the way it pushed her cleavage out even more in the low cut top. It was funny how Peggy never dressed the part of the snobby upper east side girl even though she played it so well. 

"I suppose that's fair." Angelica was going to tell her that she didn't need her approval but decided not to. No need to start an argument. "How have you and Eliza's Alex been getting along lately?"

The dig prodded at her insecurities just as it was meant to. Angelica took another sip of her drink just to stall her reaction. She was going to let it go. Just as Margaret did when she called her an asshole. A blow for a blow. It was only right.

"We've been getting along splendidly."

Peggy dipped her pinkie over the rim of her glass. The look she gave her sister as she stirred the drink with her finger was meant to be coy. But Angelica knew Peggy too well to fall for the act. "And have you both been keeping your hands to yourself?"

"Excuse me?"

"Have you been keeping things to a strictly co-parenting relationship?" She rephrased the question without hesitation. "Or were you so keen on not having sex with Aaron because you're already being sexually satisfied by your little sister's very recent ex?"

"He was my ex first, Peggy." And she realized that not only did she  _not_ answer her question, she also hinted toward the wrong answer. 

Peggy bristled. "So you broke up Eliza and Alexander so you could sweep in and get him back?"

"I did not break them up!"

"But you're not denying that you still want Alexander."

"It doesn't matter if I deny it." She opened the purse on her lap. Preparing to pay for her drink and leave. "You're not going to believe a word I say anyway." 

The asshole scoffed. Taking a second sip of her drink and scowling. Prolonging her response to make sure it was rude enough no doubt. "He must be a great fuck if you're willing to sacrifice your relationship with your sisters for him." The words were said to Angelica's back as she flounced off.

 

_There was always a buzz of excitement in the atmosphere at these type of events. At this point in the evening all the rich men and women had too frequent a sip of whatever the bar was supplying to keep hold of their proper etiquette. Angelica was no different. Her head was pleasantly clouded from the pretty blue drinks she'd been slipping from passing server's trays._

_Usually she'd find a group of people to charm this late into the night. Entertain herself by getting an uptight business crowd to do something reckless. Like skinny dip in the hotel's inside pool. Or sneak onto the rooftop for a party of their own. Usually she did it to uphold her reputation of being Philip Schuyler's wild child more than she did it for her own fun. But tonight she didn't have anything to prove. Because for the first time in her life she wasn't attending a party as Angelica Schuyler, Philip's Schuyler's adored oldest daughter. She was attending the party as Alexander Hamilton's plus one._

_It was liberating to be able to sit at an empty table in the back of the room without being disturbed. She took solace in the isolation. There were no people to charm. No jokes to tell. No image to uphold. None of these French elitist knew her. At least not by face. So she sat back with her glass and watched Alexander work the room._

_She could tell most of the crowd adored him. People smiled when he spoke. Angelica couldn't count the number of times her boyfriend had been pulled from one conversation to join another across the room. It was sexy to watch him in his element. Despite his less than impressive upbringing, Alexander blended into the million dollar crowd easily. His walk, his talk, though recently learned, was mesmerizing._

_"Excusez moi, madame?"_

_Angelica reluctantly pried her eyes away from her man. "Yes?" She smiled politely at the unfamiliar face._

_"I feel as if i have seen your face before."_

_Her eyebrows lifted. At least she thought no one in France knew her well enough by face. "Really?"_

_"I-that is not some cheesy pick up line I swear it. I know you are here with our Hamilton."_

_She swished the drink around in her hand. "Good."_

_"Still I can not shake off the feeling that I know you-"_

_"Rochambeau!" Angelica tried to hide her relief at Alexander's voice. He pulled out the seat next to her and sat down. "Is there a reason you're having a private chat with my girl?"_

_The older man chortled. "I felt it was rude to leave such a beautiful woman in the back of the room alone. So I blessed her with my company." His wink was added to ruffle Alexander's feathers._

_"Thank you for the kindness, sir." Alexander laughed. "But I believe I have it from here."_

_Rochambeau bowed in jest. "I will go finish my rounds with mon amour."_

_Angelica felt Alexander's warm hand above her knee as she watched the French man's retreating back._

_"Are you wearing panties?" Her back stiffened in surprise. His breath was warm on the side of her face._ _Her hand tightened around the cool glass. Eyes scanning their surroundings to make sure no one was in hearing distance. She could feel his fingertips dancing up the skin of her thigh. "Huh?"_

_If he continued on his path, he would get his answer without Angelica's words. Still she felt the need to warn him. "No."_

_Alexander's breath hitched. His hand squeezed the softness her thigh. "Why not?"_

_Her throat was suddenly desert dry. She lifted her glass with shaky hands. The ice clinked around the cup as it moved. The cool liquid did nothing to sooth the fires being set ablaze inside of her. "I-" It was croaked out so she swallowed and tried again. "I didn't want pantie lines."_

_"God, Angel." The death grip on her flesh let up. Only so his teasing fingers could continue their journey up her dress. Aware that any pair of eyes could land on them at any second, Angelica did her best not to react to his touch. Her teeth attacked the inside of her cheek when her boyfriend's knuckles grazed her most intimate area. He brushed along the line of her lips. Involuntarily her body slouched forward, the visual representation of a whimper without the actual sound. "It's like you're trying to kill me."_

_"A_ lexander." _It wasn't the drink that had her words slurring. "We're at your work event."_

_"I don't care." His finger stretched out._

_Angelica let go of the drink to clench her fist around the edge of the table. "Someone could see."_

_His motions paused. "Do you want me to stop?" She was too engrossed by the heat in her lower stomach to respond coherently. Her heaving chest and less than perfect posture were the only give away that anything was happening. A chanced glance in Alexander's direction showed he was as composed as ever. His bright eyes watched her with a blend of wonder and worry. "Angel?" He tried again when realizing she didn't plan on answering. "Angelica?" Her boyfriend spoke in a more stern tone. Half worry had given in to the full concern. He moved to retract his hand, only to be stopped by the strong grip of hers around his wrist._

_"Don't stop."_

_Alexander's smile was one of wet dreams and nightmares. "Your wish is my command."_

 

* * *

 

"Un deux trois quatre cinq." Alexander cooed at his wide eyed son.

"You're saying funny words." He faked a laugh to appease his father. Bless his little heart. 

"I'm counting, Philip." His fingers brushed the boy's curly hair from his face. "In French."

"I can count in words." He piped up at the familiar task. "One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. And seven. And eight. And nine. And ten!"

"Good job, sunshine." His father cheered. "That's the best counting I've ever heard."

His cheeks went pink at the praise. "Mommy taught me to count that good."

"Your mommy is a great counter as well then." Alex poked his nose. "And a great teacher."

Philip nodded enthusiastically. "Mommy is so smart."

"I know."

"I love mommy." His eyes bored into Alexander's identical ones. "You love mommy too?"

How was he supposed to lie to a face like that?

"I love mommy very much."

"And mommy loves you very much?"

Though he knew the words were innocent coming from his son, they made him pause. He knew Angelica felt  _something_ for him. She would not go out of her way to avoid talking about it if she didn't. But he couldn't be sure it was still love. If it ever was. So it was no surprise when the sinking feeling of unrequited longing washed over him. Leave it to him to be thrown into a crisis by a two year old's question. 

Said two year old was still sitting on his father's lap. Patiently awaiting the answer to a question he didn't realize was much more complicated than his mind could comprehend. He mimicked Alexander's earlier action and swept a bit of his dad's hair off his forehead. The move made him go all warm inside. 

This was the part of parenthood he'd never considered. The moments when it was just him and his son. In the times when Philip would do something so small. Something that would be considered insignificant if anyone else were to do it. Those were the times Alexander still felt a wronged by Angelica for making him miss out on damn near three years worth of these moments. 

Before he could settle on that building betrayal, the knob on the front door twisted. Hamilton's hands rushed to brush his hair back into place before the mother of his child could walk into the house. He knew it was stupid, but he wanted her to be impressed with the way he looked. He'd purposely chosen not to change out of his suit after work. Though he had plenty of time to do so. And he actually washed his hair that morning. Using the French conditioner Lafayette got him as a joke for his birthday last year.

Angelica looked exhausted when she walked in. She was carrying a box that was likely full of her student's creations. Alexander slid his son from his lap to help her with it. Leaving her with the tote bag slung over her shoulder and the grocery bags hanging from her arms. The box was heavier than he expected it to be. Too heavy for her to carry while also trying to balance the other bags. 

She offered him a grateful look at his assistance. Her head tilted towards the kitchen. Motioning for him to follow her into the other room. Philip happily trailed behind his parents. Practically skipping after his father. The previous question forgotten thanks to his youthful attention span.

"You look tired." Alexander observed as he sat the box on the table. He peeked in and saw it full of paper. "Rough day?"

"Mondays are always a little rough when you teach kids that young." She placed the bags on the counter. Philip was waiting at her heels for her hands to be free. The boy reached for his mother and was instantly lifted off the ground. "Hello, honey."

"Hi, mommy!" He pinched her cheeks. "You look pretty."

She giggled. "Thank you so much, baby. You look pretty too."

"Me and daddy were playing with my toys." He gushed. "And I drew you a picture. It's in my room."

"Really?" His mother's voice matched his enthusiasm. "Go get it so I can see."

"Okay! Okay!" He was running as soon as his feet hit the ground.

Angelica watched him go. "I wish I had as much energy as he does."

"I don't think any one in the world has as much energy as he does." Alexander grinned. "Seriously though, are you okay? You look more tired than usual."

She shrugged. "I spent lunch with Peggy today."

He understood instantly. "Is she still pissed that we're co-parenting?"

"She accused me of sleeping with you."

"What?"

"We were talking about my date with Aaron. And she assumed I didn't want to sleep with him because I was already sleeping with you."

"So you didn't  _want_ to sleep with him?"

"Alexander."

He held his hands up. "I was just paraphrasing. Making sure we were on the same page."

That earned him an eye roll. "You're ridiculous."

"Who cares what Peggy thinks?"

"I do. She's my sister." 

"Here it is!" Philip's small voice filled the room before he entered waving the sheet of paper in the air. "It's me and you and daddy." He informed her as he held the drawing in her direction.

Angelica took it with care. Holding the picture close to her face. Nodding to herself while she took in the array of colorful lines and shapes. Finally she declared, "This is the best picture you've ever drawn. I  _have_ to hang this up."

The small boy beamed. "Daddy helped me."

She sat in on the counter. Her eyes slid to Alexander. "Good job, daddy."

Alexander flinched. Hard.

"Thank you."

"Do you want to draw a picture, mommy?"

"Later." She promised. "I have to start dinner."

"Can I Watch Paw Patrol while you cook food?"

"Of course you can. Just turn on the tv and it should already be playing." 

"Okay! Okay!" He dashed out of the kitchen. Leaving his parents alone in the room for the second time. 

Angelica began unpacking the ingredients for dinner. Hopefully if she pretended to be busy preparing their meal, Alexander would follow their son into the sitting area and leave her alone with her thoughts. That method never worked in the past so of course it wasn't going to work this time around. She was granted a full two minutes of silence before her ex decided it was time to finish the conversation Philip interrupted. 

"You can't live your life to please your sisters."

She ripped the box of pasta open. "I don't."

"Of course you do."

"Me not wanting them to think we're having sex isn't living my life for them."

"What would be so wrong with us having sex?"

"Are you kidding?"

"Humor me."

"You just got out of a very serious relationship with one of my sisters."

"A relationship that  _she_ ended."

"Because we lied to her!" Angelica clarified. "You were doing just fine before I broke you up."

He gaped. "You did _not_ break up us. Eliza-"

"Did what she felt she had to." She stepped back from the groceries. Done pretending she was actually paying attention to anything other than Alexander. "She is still in love with you."

"You don't know that."

"How could she not be?" The laugh was a soft and broken sound. "You cast your Alexander Hamilton love spell on her and now she's a goner for the rest of her life."

"Love spell?" Alex repeated incredulously. "What the hell does that mean?"

"Nothing." She muttered. Unable to meet his eyes.

"A goner for the rest of her life?" He closed the distance between them as he recounted her words. "Why would you say that?"

"Drop it, Alexander." Angelica turned away from him.

"Is that how you feel?" It almost felt dangerous leaving his mouth. "Like i  _bewitched_ you?"

"Would you just let it go?"

Of course not. How could he? "Are you a goner for life, Angelica?"

The question hung in the air between them. The distant sound of the children cartoon was enough to keep the mood from being too intense. Alexander reached out to touch the woman in front of him. To draw the answer he wanted from her. But she circled around before he could make contact. He was startled enough to stagger back a few steps. 

Angelica's face was a mask of indifference. "No." She bit the word out with too much force for it to be a lie. "I got out just in time."

The unrequited longing from minutes before was back with a vengeance. Hand delivered by the woman he wanted more than anything. The woman who apparently really didn't want him. Alexander held his breath and squared his shoulders. She left no room for playfulness so he wasn't going to try and joke his way out.

"I'm going to go watch Paw Patrol with Philip."

At her half nod, he exited the kitchen. Leaving her in the loneliness she thought she wanted. 

Angelica waited until she was sure he wasn't going to double back around to let her facade vanish. She sagged against the wall of the kitchen. 

It was too much. It was all too much.

And yet it didn't feel like enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed.  
> Comments? Kudos? PLEASE!?  
> I really love reading what you guys think.  
> Your comments always make me smile.  
> The next update will be sooner.


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